Love Of Laundry: A parody of King Lear
by Playing in Traffic
Summary: Kenshin has some 'urgent' business to discuss that's not exactly 'urgent'. Kenshin has lost his mind.


Love Of Laundry (LOL)- A Kenshin parody of King Lear  
  
A/N: I suppose I'll explain, because you would be confused if I didn't...more than likely. I'm studying King Lear and I thought it would be fun to mess with that for a fan fiction. ^_^ I have direct quotes and deformed quotes, so to say. It's all from act I, because that's the only act I've read so far. Sorry, but this going to be the only chapter unless I have the notion to write more. If I get good reviews and continue to have ideas for the rest of the play, I may just continue. ^_^ This could get interesting if it DOES continue.  
  
Disclaimer: I own neither Kenshin nor King Lear. However, I believe I would find it quite interesting to own King Lear, a play written in 1605. Wouldn't that be interesting? I think it would be, so don't disagree with me. If you do, that means I'll have to accept your disagreement and move on! HMPH! *turns head and pouts*  
  
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[At the Kamiya Dojo]  
  
(Enter Sanosuke, Yahiko, and Saito)  
  
Sanosuke: What's this about? Kenshin wanted us to meet him here, but he's not even around.  
  
Yahiko: Don't worry about that. Kenshin has never made us wait for long.  
  
Saito: *silent*  
  
(Enter Kenshin, sliding as he skids into the dojo.)  
  
Kenshin: *catching breath* Sorry...I'm...late. *catches breath* Where are the others?  
  
Sanosuke: You mean Kaoru and the rest of the girls? They'll be here in a few minutes.  
  
Kenshin: Hold thy tongue, recreant!  
  
Sanosuke: *confused stare*  
  
Kenshin: On thine allegiance, hear me!  
  
Sanosuke: *confused stare*  
  
Saito: Something's definitely strange about this.  
  
Kenshin: *battousai glare*  
  
Saito: Heh...  
  
Yahiko: KENSHIN!  
  
Kenshin: Peasant! How dare thee interrupt my... *shakes head vigorously* I'm sorry. What was that, Yahiko?  
  
Yahiko: You're not making any sense!  
  
(Enter Kaoru, Misao, and Megumi)  
  
Kaoru: We're here! Sorry to make you wait.  
  
Misao: Would you mind explaining something to us!? *fumes at Kenshin*  
  
Kenshin: Peace, Kent!  
  
Misao: KENT?!  
  
Kenshin: Er...Peace, wench! Come not between the dragon and his wrath!  
  
Misao: *Confused, angry stare*  
  
Megumi: *giggling*  
  
Kenshin: *clears throat* I have called you here to discuss a matter troubling my mind.  
  
Everyone else: *eyebrows rise*  
  
Kenshin: My kimono requires a wash, and I would rather have the most qualified lady to perform this task.  
  
Everyone else: *falls to ground*  
  
Kenshin: *clears throat* I shall decide who is best for the task at hand. Now tell me, which of you shall say thou doth love me most?  
  
Everyone else: *shocked stare*  
  
Kenshin: Speak or have thy tongues revoked from thy mouths! Who doth love me most!?  
  
Misao: *walks toward Kenshin* Sir, I hate you more than sword can wield the matter; dearer than eyesight, space, and liberty; Beyond what can be valued, rich or rare; As much as warlord ever hated, or master insulted; A hate that makes breath stagger, and speech harsh. Beyond all manner of so much I hate you.  
  
Kenshin: Very well, Kent.  
  
Misao: I AM NOT KENT! WHO THE HECK IS KENT!?  
  
Kenshin: Peace, Kent!  
  
Misao: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! *stomps up to Kenshin*  
  
Kenshin: Restrain this wench!  
  
Sanosuke: *restrains this wench*  
  
Kenshin: Come not between the dragon and his wrath! Hence and avoid my sight!  
  
Misao: *Struggles to free herself from Sano's grasp*  
  
Kenshin: Kent, on thy life, no more!  
  
Misao: *screams and struggles harder*  
  
Kenshin: Now by Apollo-  
  
Sanosuke: Apollo? Kenshin, are you all right?  
  
Kenshin: *battousai glare* O VASSAL! MISCREANT! *unsheathes sword*  
  
Yahiko: Kenshin, forbear!  
  
Everyone: *confused stare at Yahiko*  
  
Yahiko: Kill thy physician and thy fee bestow upon the foul disease!  
  
Kenshin: Gloucester! The bow is bent and drawn, make from the shaft!  
  
Yahiko: *confused stare*  
  
Kenshin: Out of my sight!  
  
Saito: *leans against a wall* Heh...this is amusing.  
  
Kenshin: Come forth, Regan!  
  
Megumi & Kaoru: Who?  
  
Kenshin: YOU! *points to Megumi*  
  
Megumi: *walks to Kenshin* I am made of that self metal as Kent.  
  
Misao: AAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!  
  
Megumi: And prize me at her worth. In my true heart, I find she names my very deed of hate, only she comes too short, that I profess myself an enemy to all other anger which the most precious square of sense possesses and find I am alone felicitate in your dear rurouni's hatred.  
  
Kensin: Very well, Regan.  
  
Megumi: *giggles* *whispers* 'Sir Ken is more fun like this.'  
  
Kenshin: Come hither, Cordelia. Profess thy love to me.  
  
Kaoru: *approaches Kenshin* Well, I...  
  
Kenshin: Cordelia! Come hither!  
  
Kaoru: I'm right here!  
  
Kenshin: Not you, wench. *points to Saito* Cordelia, come hither!  
  
Kaoru: *sweatdrops*  
  
Saito: I'd rather not.  
  
Kenshin: Kent! Bring forth Cordelia!  
  
Misao: *grumbles*  
  
Saito: Fine. *approaches Kenshin* I despise your very STENCH! I halt in my tracks when I smell you in fear of the horrifying odor! If you come within five feet of me ever again, I shall extract the fluids from your neck with my blade!  
  
Kenshin: Nothing, Cordelia?  
  
Saito: Didn't you hear me, fool?  
  
Kenshin: Nothing will come of nothing. Speak again.  
  
Megumi: *passes Saito and whispers to him* 'try a little Shakespeare on him'  
  
Saito: *cringes teeth* Unhappy that I am, I cannot heave my heart into my mouth. I hate you as much as that moron *points to Sano*. No more nor less.  
  
Sanosuke: Hey, wait a minute!  
  
Kenshin: How, how, Cordelia? Mend your speech a little, lest you may mar your duties!  
  
Saito: Sounds fine to me. *smirks*  
  
Kenshin: But goes thy heart with this?  
  
Saito: Entirely.  
  
Kenshin: Very well! Out of my sight, Cordelia!  
  
Saito: Fine with me.  
  
[Exeunt Saito]  
  
Kenshin: Very well, I have made my decision.  
  
Kaoru: Kenshin! Can't I profess my love to you?  
  
Everyone: *eyebrows rise*  
  
Kenshin: If you insist, Court Jester. Make it quick. *admires his own fingernails*  
  
Kaoru: As high as the moon and the stars, my love for thee has risen as quickly as a sword unsheathed before a battle. Words cannot describe the love I feel for thee, only action shall show my true passion for you. I shall wash the kimono as loving and sweet as a mother with her child. My duties are for you, my love.  
  
Kenshin: Very well, Court Jester. You are finished.  
  
Kaoru: *shocked, upset stare*  
  
Megumi and Sanosuke: *carries Kaoru back to the futon to recover from being shot down*  
  
Kenshin: I have come to a decision. The best qualified of the job would naturally be Cordelia. Seeing how she has decided to abandon me, I am forced to reconsider.  
  
Kaoru: *glimmer of hope in her eyes*  
  
Kenshin: Kent shall wash my kimono!  
  
Misao: WHAT?!  
  
Kaoru: *sweatdrops*  
  
Kenshin: Yes, Kent shall wash my kimono. As for the Court Jester...  
  
Kaoru: *another glimmer of hope*  
  
Kenshin: I have a special job for you.  
  
Kaoru: *jumps out of the chair* Yes, Kenshin?  
  
Kenshin: Come hither.  
  
Kaoru: *comes hither there...or something*  
  
Kenshin: Closer, Jester!  
  
Kaoru: *Hithers closer*  
  
Kenshin: *whispers* I have something really special for you in the other room.  
  
Kaoru: *blushes*  
  
Kenshin: Follow me, Jester!  
  
(Exeunt Kenshin and Kaoru)  
  
(Enter Kenshin and Kaoru in the bathroom)  
  
Kenshin: Grime and mud disgrace this room. Cleanse this place and you shall receive the reward of cleansing my kimono next time!  
  
Kaoru: *becomes infuriated*  
  
(scene shifts back to Sano, Megumi, Misao, and Yahiko)  
  
Background: AARRRRGGGHHHH! *THUMP!*  
  
Sanosuke: Oh no, what did he do?  
  
Megumi: *giggles*  
  
Yahiko: Hey...Does this mean I finally have a line again?  
  
Misao: So, where's the kimono?  
  
Everyone: *eyebrows rise*  
  
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A/N: "How'd Kenshin get like that?" you may ask. The question at hand may be, "What happened to the author to write something like that?" My answer would be, "Don't ask questions that cannot be answered. Kenshin is like that because he is...simple enough." ^_^ If you haven't read King Lear, I advise you read at least the first act to get a cackle out of this. You may even get a cackle out of it without reading it. Who knows. I laughed at my own story because it was fun to write. ^_^ And I know what was happening in the real play, so it's highly amusing.  
  
On another note, don't mention anything more about King Lear in a review or anything. There are people out there (like me) that haven't read any more of the play, so they won't want you to ruin it. ^_^ THANKS! 


End file.
